anita no sabe nada

wanderlust

2010-10-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've been home for 1.5 months now and I'm ready to leave again.

This time to spain. or chile. or india. but first, I want to go back to beijing and chat with aiko's mom in chinese.

Monokuro

2010-07-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

Its been a year or more or less since I've posted on this thing. Every post, I told myself I would be more disciplined and write/post once a day. I can't keep telling myself I will do this or change that cause there's some twisted part of me that will do the exact opposite out of mere rebellion. Once it's no longer mandatory, I will do it. With all that said, I'll post here when I can. I've been wanting to write for a while and after much hesitation decided to return to blogging. Yes. everyone blogs and who cares what I think but I want to so I will.

I was tempted to delete all my old posts and start from scratch but I think this will be a good documentation of my growth. I use to keep real journals and as romantic as it would be for me to write in a journal every night before bed [ I've tried numerous times] it's not realistic. I tend to forget my growth/past and that usually leaves me making the same mistakes over and over again. I want to have a realistic way for me to reflect on my past success/struggles/mistakes/opinions etc. I hope this blog will do just that.

I moved to New York almost two years ago with no idea how much my life [and I] would change. I had some of the best times of my life with some of my favorite people. I also had some of the worst times of my life with some of my favorite and not so favorite people. I came to New York with very wide eyes- with a ton of hope and ambition and faith. Slowly but surely, I let things chip them away and I eventually became someone I did not enjoy being. I some how lost myself in the process. In order for some space and time to reflect, I jetted off to Beiing ,China [where I am now] I think I'm finally returning to the girl filled with ambition and motivation that left Orlando and moved to New York. I'm hesitant to say this because who knows how things will change me tomorrow but my strength is returning and I'm finally really excited again about what the future holds.

This post is more on the cliche and vague side just to sort of re-introduce myself to myself. I've been reading quite a bit [ finally have the time!!!] and I will be posting my thoughts on what I've been reading. Hopefully, you can join me and post any thoughts or comments you might have about my posts/what I have been reading.

I'll update about the day to day stuff later but I look forward to having this space again.

Victory!

Friday

2009-06-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

I went to a delicious Chinese restaurant last night with Paola and Michelle [my favorite people in NYC besides Michael of course] and saw a poster that I absolutely fell in love with. I should have taken a picture of it. I don't really know how to describe it to you but it made me realize I really like Asian pop graphics. I'm learning quite a bit in my "graphic design" class. It's a technical class which is great cause I don't need another class pretending to teach me art. Obviously I will not be a graphic designer once I complete the course but I will be pretty proficient in Photoshop and Illustrator. With the new skill sets I hope to acquire, I naively expect more freelance photo/design/editing jobs. Extra cash is always nice with an Americorp salary.

I was I was here again, floating in the pool reading Lolita.
P.S. My New York dream came true and I finally saw Woody Allen in person a month or two ago. I went to his new film premiere ,Whatever Works, and waited for him to show up by the red carpet. There he is!

.

My slump is over

2009-06-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

Picking up the camera again. Will try to make myself post photos at least once a week. I'm starting my graphic design class tomorrow so that should wake me up. Here's to discipline.

I sold my digital camera so all my photos will be from my new minolta srT201. I have yet to develop a roll so I will post some of my recent favorites from my old canon f1. [new jersey and new york]

what two wars am i invloved in right now?

2009-03-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

or is it more than two wars?
back and forth i go.
between the two.
do i need to separate them?
but if i don't then am i doing them injustice?
war and injustice. duh.
secret societies in the bushes. please don't tell them i told you.
i want to fly on a plane one day. that's my dream. to go to america on a plane.
advertising agencies, galleries and grad school applications.
domain names and artist statements.
ignorance. fatal ignorance.

i think i am.
i tried infusion. caused more harm than good. in them. in me.
my wounds turned into bruises. the bruises don't hurt but i can see them. they are ugly.
will they go away by themselves? i bruise so easily. new ones pop up all the time.
from where? good question.
seems like i always have a bruise.
you kiss them so i forget. the kisses are magical. i know. i thought magic didn't exist.
what am i supposed to be doing? better yet, what do i want to do? is that even better?
do i want to be one or the other? or is the reason i can't decide is because its neither.
but then what?

whats the point? such a cliche thought process for a twenty something. my whole life is turning into a cliche. i am getting everything i want. really? since when?

intoxication

2009-02-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

taxes are killing me.

2009-01-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

anticipation.anxiety.attention.apparently.apprehension.addict.adieu.
acting.achievement.another.aim.absence.abyss.awaken.
admire.agony.age.accelerated.alchemy.annoy.avoid.
adventure.advice.alcohol.affection.alone.
acceptance.art.ache.afraid.

Full Moon in Cancer

2009-01-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

A very interesting month ahead.

Religulous

2008-10-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

seeing that tonight at the angelica. I'm excited.

so most of you don't know what the heck has been happening in my life.well if it makes you feel any better, neither do I.
sorry I haven't been keeping in touch as much as I would like to. my job, apt hunting, exploring and settling in hasn't given me much time to sleep let alone call/write.
life should "slow down" by the end of november. cross fingers.

I'm a little sick. well kind of a lot of sick but I'm not letting that get in my way.
the weather warmed up a bit. my first week was jacket weather all day everyday. now its only at night. perfect.
I love this city.so much. almost as much as I could love a person.

Fun things!:
1- subway. my favorite pastime in new york.
2- union square farmers market- samples= free lunch! cheap good food and $1 apple cider.
3-brooklyn is so far my favorite. I hope to live here.
4- there's about 20 things to do everyday. overwhelming and I love that is one of my hugest stresses in life right now.
5. my job is pretty awesome and I am beyond lucky. having a job with real responsibilities is surreal.
6. went to my first "academia" party last night with alix and her new school grad friends. exactly how I would imagine a party in a cute apt in brooklyn with intellectuals and pseudo intellectuals would be. ( did that make sense?)
7. havent run into woody allen yet, but I will.
8. surprisingly, I am not homesick. This feels very natural.
9. I have very mixed feelings about williamsburg. I've never seen so many bikes in my life.
10. alix and I have two films in the works and investing in a darkroom at her studio apt in the future. ( when we both start getting cash money)
11. I need to get used to always having cash with me. new york doesn't do debit/credit.

Apt update: as of yesterday I am no longer apt hunting. I almost had apts twice now and they both fell through and as I was about to get an apt last night my last roomie fell through. So now I will be living with my aunt in manhattan/ looking for a sublet/looking for super good deals with new people. such is life. I feel okay about it. apt hunting was so freakin stressful/time consuming and now I'm just glad its over. hopefully staying with my aunts wont make me want to kill myself:)

I need to get used to life here cause anytime I do anything I feel like I am walking into a movie. well its new york which is probably why. nothing feels real. I've only experienced this in the movies, now I'm living it.

I have nothing really deep to say at the moment. maybe another time.

Come visit! Love you all.

Where I'm roaming these days...

2008-10-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

My friends neighborhood: Crown heights/eastern parkway and my sleeping area.

hot chocolate by the gas fire

2008-10-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

so here I am sitting on my friends pull out loveseat in her tiny little studio in brooklyn.
yes. ny is expensive. hello reality.
I was poor in orlando and I am still poor in ny. I'm wondering when I will stop being poor.

I have another year at least. I hope to get a real paying job someday. In the meanwhile, I live here and I could not be more excited about that. At least I have free transportation (paid by my job) and mind blowing entertainment for FREE. Last night was a perfect fall night. Walked around union square with alix and we met up with phil and did some more walking/eating (I didn't eat cause food costs money)

Its fall. A real fall. with leaves changing and falling of the trees.

my friend lives in a neighborhood that seems to be about 80% hasidic jews. the young ones are hot. all boys should have beards and wear black suits everyday.
I'm so in love with cutlture here. its everywhere. I can't help but think about art here. Thats all I've been reading. I'm going to see david la chapelles holy war exhibit tomorrow ( for free) on friday going to moma for the new photography exhibition. ( not free but cheap!) and sunday I am going to a friend of a friend's art opening. All in my first week.
Thank you new york.

Lets hope I find a second job soon. and an apt.

Harlem

2008-09-14T20:51:00.001-07:00

I'm getting really excited.

The Apollo

2008-09-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

Soon(three weeks) I will be working at Seedco.org as a job counselor to low income families in Harlem. My office is right next to the World famous Apollo. I used to watch the late night talent show in middle school. Those were dark days. HARLEM. I am one lucky girl. Can not wait.

Everything is still a question mark, except that my first day of work is Oct. 7th. Its funny, I have a "purpose" for the next year of my life and I am already thinking what I want to do after. When am I ever going to settle down, be satisfied? Is that possible?
Then I think about love. Will anything satisfy me? For my sake, I hope so.

My first goal in NYC is to meet Woody Allen. My job is pretty close to his house I think.
I have a sick infatuation with him. I LOVE HIM. Lets not judge okay?
I just saw Match Point and it left me paralyzed on my couch for about an hour. The movie itself wasn't what did it, it was the fact that he is STILL struggling with the same philosophical issues after 40 something years making movies. When is he gonna get it? I'm waiting for him to finally say, here I'm 72 years old but I finally figured it out! It comforts yet terrifies the shit out of me that he has been struggling with the meaning of life since the 60's. (in his movies)
How am I supposed to get it?

And the confusion continues.

Dear sister,

2008-03-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.

2008-02-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

I bid on this and lost today by .50 cents.

today is a sad day.

"Pinata! Pinata!"

2008-02-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

Just saw a 16mm film reel of someones home movie from the 50's. My new friend Micheal found this reel in his dad's projector when he bought it. The projector just came with a bunch of reels. Found treasure.

Who shoots their home movies on 16mm? A family that owned their own plane. Yes, my friends they owned a plane.

It looked like they lived in pleasantville. It was so clear and crisp. The colors were so fucking vivid!

Oh man.

But the best part of the night was the vhs home video Micheal bought at a local thrift store. To his surprise the video was two mentally handicapped sisters with their family ( which included their legless father) celebrating christmas and their birthdays in 1990. Do I need to explain the sheer brilliance and importance this has caused in my life? After 40 something minutes, we were all emotionally invested in this family. It was probably one of the best things I have ever experienced. I couldn't figure out if I wanted to laugh or punch that family in the face.(both) They obviously didn't know what to do with those children. And those kids noticed. Its funny how this film will stay with me for the rest of the week. Maybe the rest of the month. Yet people make shit that I digest and forget about in .2 secs. Some of those images were haunting.

Some of the 90's stuff was too good to be true.

-dancing coca cola can with glasses.

- vanilla ice tickets as christmas presents!

- oversized looney tunes t-shirt.

-every outfit.

- yellow kitchen

- plaid couch

I could go on for days about this video.

So now we are on a quest for finding this family. And throwing Kelly the best freaking birthday party anyone could ever have.

2008-02-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

"i can see it in your eyes.."

2008-01-29T21:28:00.000-08:00

she said.

well, i can feel it in my soul.

here's my attempt at growing up?

2008-01-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

i'll be writing thoughts and such here. and posting pictures of these thoughts.

maybe even creating some new thoughts.