wanderlust

I've been home for 1.5 months now and I'm ready to leave again.

This time to spain. or chile. or india. but first, I want to go back to beijing and chat with aiko's mom in chinese.

Monokuro

Its been a year or more or less since I've posted on this thing. Every post, I told myself I would be more disciplined and write/post once a day. I can't keep telling myself I will do this or change that cause there's some twisted part of me that will do the exact opposite out of mere rebellion. Once it's no longer mandatory, I will do it. With all that said, I'll post here when I can. I've been wanting to write for a while and after much hesitation decided to return to blogging. Yes. everyone blogs and who cares what I think but I want to so I will.

I was tempted to delete all my old posts and start from scratch but I think this will be a good documentation of my growth. I use to keep real journals and as romantic as it would be for me to write in a journal every night before bed [ I've tried numerous times] it's not realistic. I tend to forget my growth/past and that usually leaves me making the same mistakes over and over again. I want to have a realistic way for me to reflect on my past success/struggles/mistakes/opinions etc. I hope this blog will do just that.

I moved to New York almost two years ago with no idea how much my life [and I] would change. I had some of the best times of my life with some of my favorite people. I also had some of the worst times of my life with some of my favorite and not so favorite people. I came to New York with very wide eyes- with a ton of hope and ambition and faith. Slowly but surely, I let things chip them away and I eventually became someone I did not enjoy being. I some how lost myself in the process. In order for some space and time to reflect, I jetted off to Beiing ,China [where I am now] I think I'm finally returning to the girl filled with ambition and motivation that left Orlando and moved to New York. I'm hesitant to say this because who knows how things will change me tomorrow but my strength is returning and I'm finally really excited again about what the future holds.

This post is more on the cliche and vague side just to sort of re-introduce myself to myself. I've been reading quite a bit [ finally have the time!!!] and I will be posting my thoughts on what I've been reading. Hopefully, you can join me and post any thoughts or comments you might have about my posts/what I have been reading.

I'll update about the day to day stuff later but I look forward to having this space again.

Victory!

Friday

I went to a delicious Chinese restaurant last night with Paola and Michelle [my favorite people in NYC besides Michael of course] and saw a poster that I absolutely fell in love with. I should have taken a picture of it. I don't really know how to describe it to you but it made me realize I really like Asian pop graphics. I'm learning quite a bit in my "graphic design" class. It's a technical class which is great cause I don't need another class pretending to teach me art. Obviously I will not be a graphic designer once I complete the course but I will be pretty proficient in Photoshop and Illustrator. With the new skill sets I hope to acquire, I naively expect more freelance photo/design/editing jobs. Extra cash is always nice with an Americorp salary.



I was I was here again, floating in the pool reading Lolita.
P.S. My New York dream came true and I finally saw Woody Allen in person a month or two ago. I went to his new film premiere ,Whatever Works, and waited for him to show up by the red carpet. There he is!

.

My slump is over

Picking up the camera again. Will try to make myself post photos at least once a week. I'm starting my graphic design class tomorrow so that should wake me up. Here's to discipline.



I sold my digital camera so all my photos will be from my new minolta srT201. I have yet to develop a roll so I will post some of my recent favorites from my old canon f1. [new jersey and new york]

what two wars am i invloved in right now?

or is it more than two wars?
back and forth i go.
between the two.
do i need to separate them?
but if i don't then am i doing them injustice?
war and injustice. duh.
secret societies in the bushes. please don't tell them i told you.
i want to fly on a plane one day. that's my dream. to go to america on a plane.
advertising agencies, galleries and grad school applications.
domain names and artist statements.
ignorance. fatal ignorance.


i think i am.
i tried infusion. caused more harm than good. in them. in me.
my wounds turned into bruises. the bruises don't hurt but i can see them. they are ugly.
will they go away by themselves? i bruise so easily. new ones pop up all the time.
from where? good question.
seems like i always have a bruise.
you kiss them so i forget. the kisses are magical. i know. i thought magic didn't exist.
what am i supposed to be doing? better yet, what do i want to do? is that even better?
do i want to be one or the other? or is the reason i can't decide is because its neither.
but then what?

whats the point? such a cliche thought process for a twenty something. my whole life is turning into a cliche. i am getting everything i want. really? since when?

intoxication

taxes are killing me.

anticipation.anxiety.attention.apparently.apprehension.addict.adieu.
acting.achievement.another.aim.absence.abyss.awaken.
admire.agony.age.accelerated.alchemy.annoy.avoid.
adventure.advice.alcohol.affection.alone.
acceptance.art.ache.afraid.